Cleansing The Soul With Dirty Hands
by LadyCizzle
Summary: It was an accident but his hands and heart were nonetheless. Hardison whump, oneshot, angst.


**Summary: I told you I would be back and here I am. Tonight I bring you another Leverage one-shot. Not much to say except I hope you like it. Enjoy!**

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**Disclaimer: Don't own.**

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**Author's Note: No spoilers and not beta'd. I don't know anyone in this community to go over my fics for me so that means all mistakes are my own.**

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**Cleansing The Soul With Dirty Hands**

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Blood

That's all he saw. Every time he closed his eyes he could see the blood pooling next to him, covering his hands and clothes. The smell of cooper assaulting his nose and the sight made him want to vomit. He couldn't breath, couldn't think, wanting nothing more than to get up and run as far away as his long legs could take him. After years of conning and scheming. Stealing from the rich and aiding the poor he could say with honesty that he had never severely hurt anyone. Until now.

"Hardison."

He could barely make out the voices calling his name, only looking up to see to his team, his family rushing towards him, fear on their faces as they looked down at the fallen body. Parker reached him first. Wrapping her slender arms around him and helping him up from the ground.

"Are you okay?" she asked, cupping his cheek with one hand while the other checked his body for any injuries, Sophie behind him doing the same.

Giving her a silent nod, Hardison looked down at the slain man on the ground. Before his attacker seemed like a raging bull, plowing towards him as he viciously tried to beat him senseless with the gun he held in his hand. Now, as he lied there dead, Hardison couldn't help the guilt coursing through his body.

"Hardison what happened?"

Fully aware that it was Nate talking to him, he shook his head and mumbled his response. "I don't...I don't know," he managed to stutter out. "He found out where I was and before I could talk...he knocked me down. I think I lost my earbud...I don't know but the next thing I know he's holding a gun to my head. And I...and we-" He tried to speak as slow and clear as he could without letting the urge to vomit get in the way but it was starting to become a losing battle.

"Take your time Hardison."

"We fought. We fought for control. I was just trying to get away, just trying to push him back so he would let me go. I didn't know I shot him until I felt the blood on my hands. Oh god guys I...I swear, I didn't mean to shoot him. I didn't mean to kill him, I swear," he repeated like a mantra. "I just wanted him to let go." By the time he finished, tears were spilling out his eyes and sliding down his face. He didn't know what hurt more. The fact that he had just killed someone or what his team would think of him now that he had.

Nate grabbed he hacker by the shoulders and gently shook him. "It's alright son, it's alright," he whispered softly, his voice full of concern and care. "We know that you didn't mean for any of this to happen. Why don't you go with Parker and Sophie back your apartment to get cleaned up. Eliot and I will take care of things over on this end."

"Nate-"

"Go home Hardison and no, that wasn't a request. It's an order."

And just like that all the fight was drained out of him leaving him no choice but to comply with the mastermind's wishes. "Okay...okay, I'll go."

"Come on Hardison let's take you home," whispered Sophie with a soothing tone as both she and Parker lead him to the van, their arms wrapped him in a protective manner.

"You think he's gonna be alright?" asked Nate Elliot as he watched the van disappeared from sight down the dark, empty street.

Eliot could only sigh, shaking his head as he did so. "I honestly don't know," was his response before he began with the clean-up. They had to hurry and get out of there before anyone discovered what had happened.

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It had been over an hour since the shooting. Over an hour since he killed a man. An hour since he had come home and immediately jumped in the shower to rinse the blood that stained his hands. It easily came off, flowing down the drain with a mix of water and soap but he still felt dirty. Unclean and a part of him wondered if he would ever be clean again or would the blood always be there on his hands. It was the knock on the door that pulled him from his thoughts as Parker's voice filled the room.

"Are you finished yet?" she asked, peering inside the bathroom.

"Yeah babe," he replied back, nodding his head. "I'm about to get out now."

"Okay," she whispered, closing the door as she moved away from it. Away from him.

Hardison did just like he said he would. Letting out a painful breath, he shut off the water, grabbed a towel, and made his way into his bedroom. There, already on the bed were a pair of black boxers, his favorite pair of pajamas pants, gray with blue TARDIS's covering them, and a t-shirt. Quickly he slipped them on and left the bedroom to find Parker sitting on the sofa with her legs pressed underneath her chin.

"Hey," she replied softly with a smile as she looked up at him.

"Hey," he answered back, face void of any expression as he took a seat next to her.

She didn't waste any time moving closer to him, curling her body against his and lying her head on his chest. "Are you okay?"

"Honestly," he sighed. "I don't know."

"I'm sorry."

"Parker you didn't do anything wrong. I'm the one who shot a man tonight in cold blood."

"Don't say that," Parker practically hissed as she sat up and moved back. "Don't you dare say that."

"It's the truth Parker," Hardison replied nonchalantly, shrugging slightly. "I killed someone."

"He was going to kill you Alec!" she yelled, jumping up from the sofa and willing herself not to cry as she sat on the down on the table. "Kill you. Is that what you want to be, dead?"

"No Parker that's not-"

"Because that's what you be right now dead if you hadn't fought back," she continued to shout, poking him hard in the chest. "You would be gone and I would be here alone so I'm glad you did it and I don't care if that makes me a bad person. You're here and that's all that matters."

Reaching forward, he pulled her into his lap and held her tightly against him. "You're not a bad person Parker," he whispered, placing a kiss against her forehead. "You are so not a bad person."

"I know and neither are you. I know you don't believe that now but you're not."

Hardison let out a sad sigh. "You're right, I don't."

"That's okay, I believe enough for both of us."

Not knowing what else to say he continued to hold her for a few moments before finally speaking again. "Thanks Parker, for being here."

Stretching forward, she kissed him chastely and gave him a sincere smile. "Anytime."

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So what do you think. Are you seeing a pattern here with the Hardison whump. Seriously can't help myself, he is my favorite character. Thanks for reading and until next time,

LadyC

P.S. Did I mention there's a sequel for this.


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